Push me/Pull me

We all like a challenge.  That's what we say: on our resumes, to each other...I love a challenge!

 Really?

OK, straight up, I abhor challenges.  Can't you just accept me as this, can't you accept my thoughts as they are? Nope, want to see how you react to a challenge.

Fine. You wanna see?  OK, that's what I'm bringing...

The above is the conversation that I have with myself on a daily basis.  Everyday is a challenge.  Getting up is easy, what happens afterwards is the hard part.

I get up and I do yoga.  I haven't found my "zen" point, I haven't found the point wherein I feel at peace and all that good stuff.  I do it as a discipline for now.  Maybe one day I can feel the breath in my elbows, but for now, I'm just doing it for the "cod liver oil" effect: it's good for me.  And it's a fucking challenge.

I push myself to manifest the positions, I push myself to waken my body to poses that my thighs wish to go on strike over...push.

My work life is a non-ending challenge.  Despite the fact that I can complete the tasks given me, it is always a challenge to live up to the (sometimes) crazy, unwarranted demands of my superiors.  Push.

Moving forward, driving forward...this requires resilience and a stubborn belief that I can do it.  Another semi-push-up...push.  Another document checked and re-checked...push.

But where is the pull back?  When does it come back to me?

I was out this evening with DF (dear friend, for the newbies) and he is in a push me/pull me situation.  He is pushing himself (a challenge) into a new relationship. He'll go as far as working his heart and brain, but if it's wrong and it hurts, he will end  the challenge.  He knows the difference between a twinge and a throbbing pain.  And so he is all about pulling himself back to him, back to his own needs and wants.  And this is good.

Push yourself into a bit of ache, but when it starts to hurt, like "oh my god, what's the number for nine one one", stop. Pull it back to you. We should challenge out bodies, but let's be reasonable.  You cannot go from moribund to Usain Bolt in a day.  Yeah, the hot chickies on the video are doing 18 reps, but if you can only do 8, fuckit  it's better than the zero you do on the couch.  My math is sketchy, but I'm guessing you've just done 8 times more than zero.

Pull it back to you.  You are allowed, and indeed encouraged to go back to you.  You are the only one looking at you in the mirrow at the end of the day.  It's not selfish - hell, ask your friends and if they say things like, "You always think of the needs of others" or " You are always there for me", it's gotta make you wonder; when was the last time you were there for yourself? Just you, and your wants and your needs. 

You want slimmer thighs?  Challenge them for yourself.  You want to keep up with your kids? Move yourself.  You, my friend, you can get all grrrrrrr and clench your fists and say, straight to your face, "Bring it!"  We are sometimes our worst enemies.  For the next little while, be your best friend and demand nothing but what you can optimally give. 

It's just you. You won't beat yourself up after recess.

LiliLaLarge