The middle kingdom

This will be brief.

I can still see my toes.

Read an article today whereby, after some serious mathematical calculations (ah, me and numbers again.  The love affair continues...), it has been determined that, for my 5'6" frame, I am obese and in serious risk of dropping dead within...oh, I dunno...a day or so.

Hmmm...I don't see myself as obese.  I see myself as fat, to be sure, no illusions there, but obese?  Well, I guess if the World Health Organization sez so...

I've pictures in my head of what "obese" looks like - the mom in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape",  the contestants on that heinous reality show "More to Love" (so wrong on so many levels...How can I feel empathy and a burning desire to acquire the license to carry a fire arm all at the same time?!), and the entire audience of Springer.  Am I them?

I see women of a certain size walking around in outfits that surely to God must be halting the flow of oxygen to their brains, or at the very least impairing their eye sight.  Muffin-tops?  Spare tires?  Bakeries squished into jeans and the winter tire set of a semi encased in a tube top!  Do they own mirrors?  Friends? Who told them that looked alright?  And is that what I look like?

Angry women on talk shows yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs, "That's right!  I'm sexy!  Look at my fine ass (I'd love to, ma'am, but you're blocking the sun)!  Uh-huh, you wanna get you some of this! You skinny-ass bitches just jealous! Don't hate! Don't hate!" (I don't hate you, so please give me my eardrums back.)  Is this what people think I'm like because I'm fat?

I've looked at obese people in many ways, sometimes with understanding and a charitable thought (genetics, may be going through a rough patch, etc.), and with a OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS???  So I can't help but wonder if people, strangers, look at me the same way.

And now that I really think about it, do I give a flying f*ck?

I'm stretching and coiling and squatting and lunging and doing just about every contortion this body can accomplish and if they don't see it, who cares?  I'm eating better and trying to drink more water, which I hate with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.  I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude and if all of that is not encased in a size 2, and people give me a look or ignore me altogether (the stunning irony of being big - I'm the largest target and yet some people don't see me) does it really matter?  Hmmmmm...wait for it...uh...NO IT DOES NOT!! 

I do not look healthy, but do I look good?  Yes, yes I think I do.  And I'm going to get healthier which will make me look even better and if I'm already starting with looking good then...you guessed it - the next step is BABE!!!

But that's later.  Right now, I must focus on my middle.  The vast region, this waist-land, my domain, that is my middle.  And if that expanse gets whittled away I can assure that this monarch will be more than happy to part with it.  And I invite you all to lose some of your realms as well.  We rule over ourselves and must accept this responsibility.  Look at it this way - just consider it: Noblesse oblige.

LiliLaLarge

PS-I feel I must iterate something here - for all my bombast, it is disturbing to me that I'm clinically obese.  I do not take this lightly.  And nor should you.  Please, if you have any doubts or wish to know your BMI (body mass index) just for kicks or bragging rights,  please go online to:

 http://www.exrx.net/Calculators/BMI.html

And if you don't like what you see, set up an appointment with your doctor.  That's what I'm going to do.  Despite looking horrible in those gowns...